Helen S. Pilat

“If death teaches us something, it is above all that nothing else matters in the world but love."  

 
Helen S. Pilat, age 66 of Wayne, died on October 15, 2019. She had worked for BAE Systems for many years.

Helen began her career with Singer Kearfott and in 1982 she joined BAE Systems in Wayne. She began as an Engineering Administrator before earning her Computer Science degree from Fairleigh Dickinson University. She was most recently a Software Engineer at BAE Systems, and dedicated thirty seven years to the company.

Sadly, we do not know much else about Helen. She passed away at home, alone, on October 15 of 2019, and she has been in the care of the NJ State Medical Examiner since that day. Her friends went about trying to find Helen’s relatives, but that proved to be a bigger challenge than anyone anticipated. Just a few months later, the world found itself consumed by the Covid-19 pandemic. Very little progress was made in the search for Helen’s relatives in the months, then years, that followed. In 2021, through the unrelenting work of some dedicated friends and strangers alike, distant relatives of Helen’s were finally located in Europe. At long last, a proper funeral for Helen can now take place.

Helen’s loved ones in Poland and Denmark had long hoped for her to visit them again. “Helcia,” as they affectionately called her, spoke fluent Polish and exchanged frequent emails with her relatives abroad. They recall Helcia, a tall and gorgeous woman, being full of joy and curiosity. They all shared a strong connection and spoke frequently about future visits. Helcia had plans to visit them in Europe soon after her retirement. In her last email to them, Helen shared that she had been diagnosed with cancer and she asked them all to pray to St. Jude for healing. Sadly, the healing did not come and their grief was compounded by the many months of silence that followed. For so long, they did not know what had happened to Helen. They are grateful to all of those here, in America, who worked so hard to find them and see to it that Helen received a proper funeral. They say goodbye to their beloved “American cousin” Helcia with heavy hearts and cherish the memories they have of her. They will all miss her dearly.
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‍*If you’re curious to know more about these circumstances; Helen’s funeral was delayed for two and half years because the law in NJ requires that blood-relatives have full authority of funeral arrangements, except for some complex legal exceptions that didn’t apply in her case. Even in a case like this, where her well-intentioned friends were willing to arrange and pay for her funeral, the NJ State Medical Examiner would not allow it, and they would not release her body to any funeral home without the permission of her blood relatives, or a court order. In fact, Helen was on the NJ State Medical Examiner’s list to be buried in “Potter’s field,” and she was very near to having that happen. Despite the fact that her friends wanted her buried with her parents, the State of NJ would not allow it, and was prepared to bury her in an unmarked grave with several other unidentified, unclaimed, or indigent individuals, simply because her friends lacked the legal authority for her funeral. It might sound shameful, but that’s the law in the State of New Jersey.

At our funeral home, we have regretfully experienced many situations like this, where a 'complicated' family dynamic has lead to a completely unnecessary disruption of someone's funeral, lengthy delays, and unwanted stress and anguish. For this reason, it is very important for people to plan ahead and know the law in order to avoid such pitfalls. We can help you to prepare. We encourage you to talk to a funeral director if you want to learn more.