Jeanette DeLillo

Jeanette DeLillo, age 83, of Butler passed at home on January 3, 2023.

She was born in the family home at 114 Division Avenue in Garfield, NJ to Vincenzo and Vincenza Spoto.  Jeanette was raised in Garfield and graduated from Garfield High School.

In 1960, Jeanette met the love of her life Robert “Bob” “Butch” DeLillo.  They courted for about a year and married on April 8, 1961.  It is well known that he finally caught Jeanette who played hard to get.  They honeymooned in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania.  The only problem with the honeymoon was that they forgot to bring warm clothing and when the winter gave its last blast of snow that week, they nearly froze.  As things turned out, Bob and Jeanette had forty-nine years of a mutually fulfilling, loving marriage that was blessed by two children, Robert, Jr. and Jennifer, as well as eight grandchildren and one great-granddaughter.

Jeanette will be lovingly remembered as a kind, fun, warm, and welcoming person. She was the stereotypical Italian Grandmother who would greet everyone with a kiss and hug and soon start feeding them. She was a talented seamstress that would make beautiful curtains and matching dresses for her and her daughter, Jennifer; her artistic abilities extended into making all kinds of crafts. In addition, she was the business partner of her late husband for 27 years as they ran J.R.’s Wholesale Outlet in Paterson, NJ, managed by their son.  She was also a dedicated and devoted New York Yankee fan who would jump, clap, and yell at the television while watching games.

When it came to Sunday family dinners, she was the consummate Italian cook where the meal she prepared consisted of tons of hors d’oeuvres, main courses, and desserts. There were always leftovers to be taken home as Jeanette always overcooked. Her grandchildren will remember Cookie Weekend at Christmas time where they would all spend the weekend with Grandma and Papa making all sorts of cookies. Jeanette cared for her family both through her kitchen skills and as a caregiver to her parents, husband, brothers, and in-laws.  She truly looked for the good in others and helped others see that good as well.

Jeanette was the loving wife of the late Robert L. DeLillo, Sr. (d. 2010); she was the devoted mother of Bob DeLillo, Jr. and his wife Geralyn of West Milford, NJ and Jennifer Tempio and her husband Stephen of Kinnelon, NJ; she was the cherished grandmother of Jaclyn Torres (née DeLillo) and her husband Luis, the late Jillian DeLillo (d. 2013), Kristen DeLillo, Katelyn DeLillo and her fiancé Matt Rola, Bobby DeLillo III, Jennifer Fancera (née Tempio) and her husband Brett, Melissa Tempio and her partner Thomas Calcara, and Stephen Tempio and his partner Kayla Thiessen; dearly loved great-grandmother of Sophia Torres; loved sister of Sylvia Saccomondo and her husband Nick of Garfield and the late Russ Spoto, Vince Spoto and his wife Marion, Salvatore Spoto, and Joseph Spoto. Jeanette will also be dearly missed by her loving nieces and nephews.

In lieu of flowers donations in Jeanette’s memory to: St Jude Children’s Research Hospital STJUDE.ORG, The Shriners Hospital SHRINERSCHILDRENS.ORG or the CHD (Congenital Heart Defect) Coalition CHDCOALITION.ORG would be greatly appreciated.

Eulogy read at her service:

Everyone here knows that my grandma, Jeanette, had an incredible capacity for kindness, empathy, generosity, compassion, and love. Whenever we would visit her at her home or see her at a party, she was always happy to see us. She greeted all of her family and friends with so much warmth; it was infectious.

When people would meet her, even just once, they would instantly take a liking to her and comment on how sweet she was.

We were all lucky to have known her, but the luckiest people in this room are her grandchildren.

Jeanette was born to be a grandma; it was her calling. She and my grandfather constantly thought about their grandchildren and what they could do for them. When we would go to their house, Grandma would cook for us and give us sweets. When we were sick, my grandparents would visit with presents. When we graduated, Grandma beamed and brought us flowers. When we were going through rough times, she would give us advice and be a shoulder to cry on.

All of my memories of my grandma are precious, but I wanted to take a few moments to share with you just a few of the ones that stick out in my mind.

We used to have Sunday dinners at my grandma’s house. As a child, Sunday was my favorite day of the week. I loved going to Grandma and Papa’s house. When we arrived, the house was warm and filled with the aroma of fresh cooked sauce and meatballs. I would immediately be wrapped in an embrace from my grandparents, and my grandma would flit all over the kitchen, cooking a huge meal for her whole family.

As kids, my siblings, cousins, and I used to sleep over my grandparents’ house. I think most kids prefer to sleep over their friends’ houses, but not us. We loved sleeping at Grandma’s house. She would hang out with us and listen to everything that we had to say. In the mornings, she would make her traditional breakfast of french toast. She never got tired of having us there or making us food.

In the summers, my siblings and I would go to their house for a nighttime swim with my grandfather. While in the pool, we would look at the planes overhead. Then, after a lot of swimming, we would sit on the deck, and Grandma would bring out cookies and lemonade. And the five of us would just talk and enjoy the evening.  

Once I got my driver’s license, I would drive to Grandma and Papa’s house all the time, just to hang out, talk, do the crossword puzzle with my grandfather, and enjoy their company.

When I was a kid, Grandma and I would talk about everything. I would tell her about school, friends, and TV shows, and she would tell me stories from her life. The older I got, the more our relationship evolved. As an adult, I would often spend evenings and weekends at her house. We would just sit and talk for hours about everything. She would often ask me for my advice or my perspective on things as well. She would say, “Well, Jennifer, you know you’re my confidante” and proceed to share an internal conflict, a decision she was struggling to make. I cherish those talks; they are my favorite memories. She was my best friend.

I am so lucky and so grateful to have had my grandma for 31 years. She was there to see me graduate college. She saw me learn how to cook and bake, get a job, and buy a house. She was there to see me marry my soulmate, just like she knew my grandfather was her soulmate.

I do want to touch on one more thing, which I think was my grandma’s strongest quality—forgiveness. I think nearly everyone in this room at one point in their life has asked my grandma to forgive them. I certainly have. Life happens. We get angry, we say things we regret, we make mistakes. But my grandma forgave you before you even realized you were wrong, before you apologized. She always saw the good in people, she was always able to consider perspectives other than her own. She knew there were two sides to every story. And she was always the first to admit she may have made a mistake.

Take a moment to imagine what the world would be like if we were all like Grandma, if we could all stop and consider someone else’s perspective, if we could forgive so easily, and move on.

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When my grandma got sick, she handled her decline with the most grace and strength that I have ever seen. At one point, when she was in the hospital, she said to me, “What would I do without you, Jennifer?” But all I could think was, “What will I do without you, Grandma?”

Being your granddaughter is the most special gift that life has given me. I already miss you terribly, but I am so thankful for the time that we had, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to be as good of a person as you were.

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MOM’S EULOGY

I AM SO GRATEFUL TO GOD THAT HE GAVE ME SUCH WONDERFUL PARENTS AND FAMILY.

MOM, YOU HAVE BEEN MY BEST FRIEND AND CONFIDANT MY WHOLE LIFE. THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO HAVE COMPASSION, EMPATHY AND TO ALWAYS SEE THE GOOD IN PEOPLE. I NEVER HEARD YOU SAY NEGATIVE THINGS ABOUT ANYONE, YOU WOULD ALWAYS POINT OUT SOMETHING GOOD ABOUT A PERSON. YOU WERE LOVED BY EVERYONE, FORMED FAST FRIENDSHIPS WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS BECAUSE PEOPLE COULD SEE HOW GENUINE OF A PERSON YOU WERE.

MOM, YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME AND I NOW KNOW YOU ARE LOOKING DOWN FROM HEAVEN TO WATCH OVER ME.

TAKING CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU WERE SICK WAS MY HONOR AND PRIVILEGE AND I DID MY BEST TO BE STRONG IN FRONT OF YOU AND KEEP YOU COMFORTABLE.

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO MY HUSBAND STEPHEN, WHO WAS THERE FOR ME AND NEVER COMPLAINED THAT I WAS HARDLY HOME THE PAST FEW MONTHS.

JENNIFER, MELISSA AND STEPHEN, THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORT WITH GRANDMA. I NEVER HAD TO ASK FOR YOU GIRLS TO COME AND WORK FROM HOME AT GRAMS HOUSE. STEVE, I ASKED YOU TO HOOK UP A GENERATOR BECAUSE OF POTENTIAL BAD WEATHER AND YOU MADE SURE IN BETWEEN YOUR BUSY WORK SCHEDULE THAT YOU DID IT FOR ME SO I WOULDN’T WORRY ABOUT GRAM LOSING POWER. THESE ARE JUST A FEW THINGS YOU DID FOR ME AND GRAM.

THANKS, TO MY BROTHER BOBBY WHO WAS THERE WITH ME FOR DR’S VISITS, DISCUSSIONS WITH MOMMY ON HER CARE AND STAYED WITH ME ONCE MOMMY WAS HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE WITH OUT ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT NOT ONLY WITH HELPING ME BUT EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ALSO.

THANK YOU AUNT SIV WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME TO TALK TO ABOUT HOW I WAS TRYING TO COPE WITH EVERYTHING THAT WAS HAPPENING TO MOMMY.

THANKS TO DR. RAPPAPORT WHO HAS ALWAYS GONE ABOVE AND BEYOND TO TAKE CARE OF OUR FAMILY, AND MADE SURE I HAD HIS CELL PHONE TO CALL HIM AT ANY TIME, WHICH I DID SEVERAL TIME WHEN MOMMY CAME HOME. HE ALWAYS HAD COMPASSION AND EMPATHY WITH OUR FAMILY.

THANKS TO DR. BERNSTEIN WHO ALWAYS SHOWED COMPASSION AND EMPATHY TO MOMMY.

SO MOM, THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES THIS EASIER IS THAT YOU ARE NOW AT PEACE IN DADDIES ARMS.

TILL WE MEET AGAIN, I WILL LOVE YOU ALWAYS,

JENNIFER

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