Phylis D’Onofrio

Phylis Jean D’Onofrio (Duttenhoefer), age 74, of West Milford, passed away peacefully on Monday, January 16, 2023. Her family members were lovingly by her side at the time of her passing.

Born in Queens, NY, the child of Wilbur and Dorothy (Nafz) Duttenhoefer, Phylis was raised in Merrick, Long Island. As a young lady, she enjoyed singing in the choir in high school as well as in the church she grew up in, St John’s Lutheran Church, just down the street from her home. After graduating from Sandford H. Calhoun High School in Merrick with the Class of 1966, she got her first full-time job an operator for the telephone company.

One day, Phylis was invited by her friend to that friend’s boyfriend’s company party. The company was Sperry Gyroscope in Great Neck, Long Island and also in attendance at the party was a gentleman named Stephen D’Onofrio. While at the party, Stephen saw Phylis from across the room and noticed that she had a necklace with a large cross on it. Figuring that she was a good Catholic he went and introduced himself. As they were leaving the party, Stephen tried to impress Phylis with his brand new 1969 Pontiac GTO only to find out that her car, a 1968 Mercury Cougar was just as cool. Her taste in good cars only prompted him to want to ask Phylis out even more, so he did. Still feeling that need to impress her, their first official date was to a fancy seven course meal restaurant at 251 East 31st Street in Manhattan called Marchi’s. He succeeded! Phylis and Stephen had more dates after that and ultimately fell in love and were engaged within nine months of that first date. They married on Sunday, September 28, 1969 at St. John’s Lutheran Church on Old Mill Road in Merrick, NY. After the reception, they jumped into Phylis’ pale blue Cougar and drove off for their honeymoon to Montreal and Québec, Canada. On the way, Stephen got pulled over for speeding and, despite telling the officer that they were on their way to their honeymoon destination, the cop gave him a ticket anyway.

Phylis and Stephen’s first house as husband and wife was a co-op in Howard Beach, Queens. A job transfer prompted a move across the river and into the Beaver Brook Garden Apartments in Lincoln Park, NJ they moved. Soon after, in 1974, they bought their first home together at 219 Magnolia Road in Pompton Lakes. While there Phylis and Stephen were blessed with their first son Christopher. One night, about 2 years after Chris’ arrival, Phylis and Stephen decided to go out for a nice dinner. They chose Jorgenson’s Restaurant in nearby Stockholm. Truth be told, the dinner wasn’t that great but they would soon learn that a bad dinner was the least of their worries. As they walked to their car, out of the woods two men suddenly appeared. One put a knife to Phylis’ throat while the other put a gun to Stephen’s head. The assailants jumped into the back of Phylis’ car (they had to squeeze in because of Baby Chris’ car seat back there) and demanded that they be transported to Newark. Halfway there, one of the assailant’s said “All I want is five dollars” and they demanded to be dropped off in Kinnelon. Stephen was more than happy to oblige and their lives were spared. Arriving home, they apologized to the babysitter for being late, explaining that “they got held up” (literally). Having given all their cash to the robbers, Phylis and Stephen remember having to pay that babysitter with Kennedy half-dollar coins.

In 1974, Phylis and Stephen renewed their wedding vows at St. Mary’s R.C. Church in Pompton Lakes. Then, in 1978 their house in Pompton Lakes flooded. Knowing it was time to move to higher ground, Phylis and family moved to their present home in West Milford. Soon after, Phylis gave birth to their second son David. As a young mom, Phylis poured all of her love and energy into taking care of her boys. In between, she managed to find a little time to explore some artistic pursuits. She took up painting, both oils and watercolors, and making beaded jewelry. When David, her youngest reached sixth grade, Phylis returned to the workplace on a part-time basis. General Motors had just come out with a new car brand called Saturn. In an attempt to promote the cars, the local dealership, Maroon Saturn in Pompton Plains, displayed some models in the local malls. It was Phylis’ job to give customers a tour of the car and to answer any questions that they might have. Soon after, she worked at the dealership. Again, her job was to go over all the attributes of the cars for customers who were taking delivery. It was the perfect job for Phylis as she loved people and loved to talk. After working at Saturn, Phylis held other administrative positions until fully retiring in 2010 from Progressive Machine, Inc. of Ringwood.With Stephen retiring about the same time as Phylis, it was time to play! Playing to them meant lots of travel. On many of their trips they were joined by Stephen’s sister Emilie and brother-in-law Bill. Together they visited London, Paris, Vienna, Prague, Budapest, all of Italy, Northern and Southern Spain, and an ocean cruise from Venice to the Greek Isles and a highlight trip to Turkey. There was also a trip to Sicily with friends Annette and Christine, several trips with friends Katie and Lou, as well as twelve river vacations, some of which included cruises on the Seine River in France, the Danube River, the Rhine River, the Volga River in Russia with newfound friends Lucy and Martin Lester from Great Britain who they met on that cruise and travelled with to the Yangtze River in China, the Douro River in Portugal and the Elbe River in Germany.

Early in their marriage, Phylis joined a bowling league with her girlfriends at Butler Bowl on Route 23. She also enjoyed bowling in a mixed league with Stephen. Cats and dogs had a way of touching a soft spot in Phylis’ heart. Knowing that so many worthy pets just needed some love and a good home, she poured her heart into her work as a volunteer at the Tri-Boro Animal Welfare Shelter in Butler and the West Milford Animal Shelter. From 1969 to 2020 there was always a cat or two in her home. Over the many years Coco Puff, Mittens, Sooty, Dog, Bandit, Kensington, Mandy, Gabby, Baby, Sassy, Tiger Lily, Isys, Shadow, Simon, and Caesar all enjoyed good lives in the D’Onofrio home. Not to be outdone by a bunch of cats, there were also many D’Onofrio dogs. West Highland White Terriers or Westie’s were Phylis’ breed of choice and again, over the years, she had six: Snow Flake, Peaches, Rugby, Ashley, Sassie, and presently, Tassie.

Above all else, Phylis was devoted to her family. In their elder years, she welcomed her parents to live with her and Stephen in their home. She was a fantastic cook who liked to add her own artistic flair to the recipes she found - a dab of this and a pinch of that always made them taste better. Stephen especially loved her eggplant lasagna. Strong-willed, “No” meant “No” so you always knew where Phylis stood on an issue. That said, she was lovingly loyal to her family and a fierce defender of their honor. She had a memory like a bear trap and she was a classy woman who loved getting all dressed up and pretty for a fun occasion.

Phylis was the beloved wife of Stephen, blessed in marriage for 53 years. She was the loving mother of: Christopher D’Onofrio of Butler and David D’Onofrio of River Vale; dear sister-in-law of Emilie Stris and husband Bill of Valley Stream, New York, and dear aunt of Peter Stris and wife Alice of Cerritos, California. She is also survived by Tassie, her precious Westie.

Those planning an expression of sympathy in Phylis’ name are asked to consider:

‍West Milford Animal Shelter
P.O. Box 72 Lycosky Drive

West Milford, NJ 07480

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